The Process
I learned this the hard way, now you don’t have to
There is a process to leave the ministry well. If you follow the steps, it is possible.
In fact, it’s the same pattern that every blockbuster movie follows almost to the letter. You can leverage the legend-building story model that is hard-wired into our DNA, woven through scripture, and seen across history. Once you see the pattern and put the pieces in the right place and in the right order, it simply works.
It's almost mechanical. Years ago, I bought a 1980 Honda CB900C. I love old cars and bikes, but had never worked on one before. It needed a lot of love, so I bought an original (2 inch thick) mechanic’s manual and started tearing things apart.
First, I disassemble the carburetor. I went to a local bike shop for parts and told the guy behind the counter. His face said I was in way over my head. But, with patience and following each step, I got it running to spec. Leaving ministry is like that—no matter how messy it seems now, if you follow the steps, you’ll be fine.
Where this season could be heading
The great commission in Acts 8 launched the church to carry the Gospel around the globe. An old-time preacher I knew said, “God had to write Acts 8:1 because no one took Him seriously in Acts 1:8.” He scattered the church and the seed of the Gospel with it. We are here, as the church, because of that outward push.
Scattering shows up all through scripture. Abraham’s covenant in Genesis 12 promises a global blessing. To carry the blessing to all nations, they have to scatter or head to new territories. The sower scattered seed everywhere in Matthew 13, on good soil and not so good, in all types of ground (hearts) everywhere. The same parable appears in Mark 4 and Luke 8. Not having a ministry title doesn’t change a thing, only the name on the paycheck.
What’s old is new again
Today, the Gospel is concentrated in churches, just like it was in Antioch. The work of the church is often more about church work than anything else. What if pastors leaving the ministry and entering the workforce are the modern equivalent of Acts 11? They are leaving the pulpit and the same crowd each week to go out into the world to broadcast the message of their walk with Christ to thousands who might never step foot in a church.
What if pastors leaving the ministry is what God uses to take the Gospel to the world today? It’s kinda like the old bank robber quote. When the police asked why he robbed banks, he shrugged and said, “that’s where the money is.” The people who need the Gospel aren’t in church; they’re at work down the street.
Please hear what I’m not saying. I’m not suggesting you need to constrain a future career to become a missionary to your city or community. When I left the last church position, a good friend who is also a missionary said, “but, you’re still going to be in ministry, right?” Not exactly, no believer is ever not in ministry. Every believer has a mission. (See 2 Cor 5:17-20) It’s part and parcel with following Christ, not something extra. And, I did not design this course to hurt the church or entice pastors to quit. I sat on this idea for eight years until I felt God say, “Now is the time.”
My goal is to provide a pathway that will allow ministry pros to successfully go where God calls, to redeem the time, maintain their sanity, and engage their true calling—following Christ—wholehearted, healthy, and ready for everything ahead. If you are on that path, the choice to leave is a deeply personal and painful decision, and it is yours alone.
It’s a journey, just like everybody says
You may have heard of “the hero’s journey” or know the general concept. Chances are good that your favorite book or movie is based on the age-old pattern. Star Wars, Gladiator, Hitch, Braveheart, Tommie Boy, Rudy, every superhero movie, and classic novels like Tom Sawyer and The Count of Monte Cristo are all framed on the exact same story. The diagram here is a version of the entire hero’s journey from start to finish.
You are somewhere in that story line as well. The reason the hero’s journey is such a common framework is that it’s generally the way life always seems to work. The six questions on the home page of this site all come from it too.
The Call
The first step is the call to something more. For some, it starts as an unsettled feeling deep inside. You know that what you’re doing now is not why you were placed on earth. In A Pilgrim's Progress, Christian leaves his home and family to follow his call to the Celestial City.
For others, the call shows up when they are fired, released, or told they no longer have a job. Luke’s family and home are destroyed by the Empire and he blasts off with Obiwan Kenobi to become a Jedi, Maximus is betrayed and begins life as a gladiator, and Katniss volunteers as tribute to save her sister and heads to the Hunger Games with Hamish.
Whether you are considering a move out of the ministry or you just had “the conversation” with your boss that changed everything in the foreseeable future, the question is the same. What is your “why.” What will set your future course to keep you on track and moving forward in spite of everything the enemy has set up to stop you cold?
Refusing the Call
It may seem odd that refusing the call comes up so soon, but it’s our natural reaction. If you ever experienced buyer’s remorse or cold feet, they’re kissing cousins.
When you are in the middle of whatever stress, dysfunction, or pain makes you want to walk away from ministry, the grass in the working world definitely looks greener than what’s around you at that moment.
As soon as you tender your notice, a common first thought is, “Oh Lord... what have I done?”
When we landed in Lima at 2 AM on a chilly, foggy night, we drove through a dark and dirty city that looked totally different from when we had visited just a year earlier. After arriving at our new home, I put my wife and 9-month-old daughter in bed and sat in the tiny kitchen of the cinder block house our friends had helped us rent as a wave of fear and regret crashed over me. What had I done to my family? Was this the biggest mistake of my life? If so, what do I do now?
With time, things changed. But, if you had offered me three tickets back to Kansas City that night, I would have been tempted to take them. I was resisting the call. Everything that had brought us to that point faded once we had passed the point of decision. Leaving the ministry to follow God’s direction is no different.
If you were fired—for any reason—the shock is even greater. The questions keep coming. What could I have done differently? Where is God in this? Is He even paying attention? Did HE fire me too? And the doubts begin. I don’t know if I can handle whatever is next. There’s got to be a way back. I’m too old to start over again. I’ll never live this down. It can be relentless.
To make matters worse, you are experiencing real grief and trauma. And you will need support to make it through the challenges ahead. I want you to know we have a network of outstanding, trauma-informed therapists around the country that can help.
Being fired can feel like free fall. But it can also be as much a call to something greater as choosing to leave on your own.
The questions, the doubt, the fear, and the not wanting to keep going are all 100% part of the process that every hero faces.
You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you.
Discovering Friends and Allies
One of the greatest surprises of stepping onto the hero’s journey, is the friends and allies that appear on the way. If you have been in church work for more than a few years, it’s likely you have become isolated from the world around you. You still have friends outside the church, but most of your contacts are inside the bubble. The outside world can begin to seem menacing or at least a bit scary.
Once I started networking and seeking coaches, I was constantly amazed at how generous people are with advice, support, and encouragement. The only exception to that rule was, ironically, a Christian design firm. I reached out to set up a time to connect and see how we could support each other, and received a very clear “no” in response.
Some of the people I met as I started my journey have become close friends to this day. Here’s why. When you step into the hero’s journey the world doesn’t change, you do. You stop being a victim of your situation, your choices, or the choices of others. Most people respond to that shift with an innate desire to see the hero succeed. They want to be part of your success too.
The easiest way to discover friends and allies is to get out and meet people. If you have a general idea about where you’d like to go in this next season, look for meetups around that field. If you want to learn a trade, type it into meetup.com and see what’s available. The only thing you need is curiosity, a desire to learn, and a willingness to ask questions.
Facing New Enemies
The other side of the new friends and allies coin will be new enemies. It’s guaranteed that you will face opposition. This is not the absence of God’s provision or protection, it’s the evidence. In ministry you expect it. If you are doing something to make a Kingdom impact, the enemy will show up. Why should it be any different if the impact you’re making is for your family and yourself?
In fact, the closer you are aligned with a goal that will generate the greatest outcome, the sooner the opposition will show up.
I remember preaching a series on Saul, Israel’s first king. His transformation after being anointed by Samuel in 1 Samuel 10 was astounding to the people who knew him. They even had a saying, “is Saul also among the prophets?” He had everything he needed to start well, an anointing, a transformation, and a map. That chapter of his story also contains a snapshot of the hero’s journey. Samuel says he will start at a tomb, Rachel’s, in Christ, we start at an empty tomb, he will meet two men asking him to return home, or refuse the call, after that he will meet three more with gifts for the journey, unexpected friends and allies, and next he will go to Gibeath-elohim, the hill of God, where there is a garrison of Philistines, Israel’s enemy. Think about it, they are camped right at the base of where he most needs to go.
Your opposition or enemy might show up as frustration, nay-sayers, or well meaning friends encouraging you to stay in ministry no matter what. It can also show up as the competition, or all of the apparently successful people on social media that are doing the very thing you want to do. Recognize it for what it is, opposition, a healthy sign that you are heading in the right direction.
Stephen Pressfield calls this the resistance. It’s the same force that shows up any time someone wants to make a difference, whether they are a writer, an artist, or a anyone creating something new. Welcome to the club.
New Tools and New Skills
To make the move from ministry to any role in the marketplace, you will need new skills and tools. For some reading this, that may include a new degree or certification. For others it means signing up for a few classes at a local trade school, or one of many online courses. Here in Denver you can learn coding in any number of languages, C++, Ruby, or a range of JavaScript flavors at community office spaces.
If you just want to test the waters, look for how-to videos on YouTube. The options for acquiring new skills have never been greater. It will feel intimidating at first, especially if it's been a while since you were in school. The good news is that the human brain is a marvel of adaptation. And like any muscle, once you begin to use it in new ways, will quickly adapt and begin to grow.
God created us with a capacity that science is only now discovering called neuroplasticity. The brain will create new pathways to accommodate new learning and ways of thinking. The only thing your brain needs is the will to grow.
Facing Yourself
The next phase is where things tend to get harder, not because they are more difficult, but because they force you to come to grips with you. Like the old saying, what got you here won’t get you there. The things that helped you attain success before need to be replaced and the person you were before needs to grow.
In this phase, your greatest asset will be a community of others to support the journey. You can do it on your own, but it will be much harder and much slower. I am enormously grateful for the friends that I have now after going through that season. I can honestly say that they are the best friends I have ever had. It’s not because they are better men than earlier friends but because they were fighting by my side when life was at its darkest.
I’ve never been to war, but when I read about the bonds created in the foxholes of WWII, they sound very much like the connections I have now. I have brothers who have wept with me, seen me at my worst, know my darkest secrets, and have never wavered. I hope they can say the same about me.
Some coaches will adopt a Drill Sargent posture and rant about how you need to toughen up to succeed. I don’t see Jesus ever taking that tone in scripture. Yes, there is a time and a place for tough talk, but what you need are people who will simply be with you, who will face the changes ahead unflinching, and who believe that you are enough for any challenge.
Stay tuned, more coming soon
More content will appear very soon, as we unpack the hero’s journey and what it means for someone leaving the ministry and heading to the marketplace.
Your journey is yours alone. I don’t pretend to know why you’re on it or even where you will end up. I only want you to know this. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone. Following God's calling on your life doesn't always mean working on a ministry staff or with a nonprofit.
The world needs you, and sometimes the best way for it to see who you are in Christ is where everyone spends Monday through Saturday, regardless of where they go on Sundays.
Strength and peace,
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No Holy Handcuffs is based in Littleton, CO. If you are in the area and would like to connect, please suggest a place to meet in person. All other meetings will be virtual via phone or Zoom.